Honoring yourself is paramount when establishing, maintaining, nurturing connections with others to include you. If you do not honor your own wants, needs, desires, you have little to nothing to give to someone else.
By the time I was old enough to choose - I would choose not to go out for dinner or anywhere in public with Dad. I couldn't take the risk of him humiliating me by his hair trigger temper with say a waitress or sales person.
Two-year old Sally is walking down the street with mother when they see someone coming their way with a large dog on a leash. The dog is friendly but jumps on Sally and knocks the little girl down. Sally is hysterical, but mother picks her up and soothes her. She explains that the dog is really a nice dog. However, Sally is inconsolable and still very scared. In that moment Sally decides that dogs are very dangerous and could hurt her. As a result she develops a fear of dogs that lasts the rest of her life.
Julia has begun to shift her expectations about passion in Love relationshipand especially marriages. She's even found a few role model couples that have given her hope that excitement can stay alive in long-term relationships.
The great news is this: You can change your expectations. It requires you become aware of the way you tend to think and believe. It also requires you to introduce new thoughts and beliefs into your consciousness.
When you use these methods and treat the original emotions, you will stop reacting to the old triggers. Your brain will realize that the emergency it is still re-experiencing happened in the past and is over. You survived and you are alive and ready to get on with your life.